I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
