Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize