you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
