Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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