Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
