you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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