T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize