I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
