Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
