I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
