Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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