i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize