I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
