i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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