Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
