he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
