wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
