You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize