She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
