I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize