Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize