Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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