hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
