I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
