New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
