u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
