were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
