I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
