btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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