420 ftw
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize