so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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