I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't special order awesome
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize