We need to start having sex underwater more often.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You are a genius and a whore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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