So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
