waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
