Porn is love you can see.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize