just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
