My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
