sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
