Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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