Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize