just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
