Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
