just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
