we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize