I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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