i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
