Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
