Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
