just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pants are for mortals
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
