y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
