Can i not drive my cunt home
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
