I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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