just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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