i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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