So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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