Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
