Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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