Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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