Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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