I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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