just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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