What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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