god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
