Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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