Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
