All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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