either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
