apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
