We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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